YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I believe in your delicious
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
