he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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