Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
