At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize