are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
