I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
