I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
