The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
