He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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