exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
