Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
