Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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