why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she smelled like a LAN party
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
