my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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