They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
