i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
