erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
