I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
