someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
