a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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