A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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