so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
