A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
