The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
worst night to have a conscience
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
