You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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