it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
