I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
