He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We have so much sex to catch up on
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
