At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
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Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
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Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.