I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.