the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW