Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order