So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.