So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?