i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
