Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
