This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
