Bisexual people are plain selfish.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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