Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
farters have to be the big spoon...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
