that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
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Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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