Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
