I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize