i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
