like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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