im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
