Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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