but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
