They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
