i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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