im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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