He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
