suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You made out with two different species that night
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
