Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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