gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
