He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
