I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
