Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
