I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
