there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
