just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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