he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
