Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
