Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
