I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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