Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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