Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
