I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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