dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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