This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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