Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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